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A Poem to You

I didn't really love you.

I guess I'm still stuck on how I saw a picture of you and instantly fell for you, and then a year later I met you for the first time.

I guess I'm still stuck on how we started to share friends and see each other often.

I guess I'm still stuck on the first time we made plans without my friends.

I guess I'm still stuck on how I lost all of my friends but you stayed.

I guess I'm still stuck on how I liked you for a year, and now you're my best friend, somehow.

I guess I'm still stuck on that girl you once said you loved, and how now she's my best friend too.

I guess I'm still stuck on how you guys still sleep together and I can't help but think the love is still in the air.

I guess I'm still stuck on that Tuesday, 3 months after we met, when we were alone for the first time.

I guess I'm still stuck on how comfortable you felt with me that it wasn't awkward at all, and you told me everything that was on your mind while I did the same.

I guess I'm still stuck on the sparkle in your eyes from the headlights of other people's cars while you drove mine.

I guess I'm still stuck on how honest with me you were when we were alone and how different our conversations were.

I guess I'm still stuck on those late night car rides where I'd pick you up and we'd turn the music all the way down and just talk.

I guess I'm still stuck on listening to the sound of your voice when you'd tell me all these stories.

I guess I'm still stuck on how excited you would get when I would play one of your favorite songs and you'd sing to me, even if it was a song of your own.

I guess I'm still stuck on how you always call me your girlfriend even though we're not dating and how you treat me as if I really am.

I guess I'm still stuck on how you don't have feelings for me, yet you get irritated every time I mention a boys name.

I guess I'm still stuck on how I told you I had sex with someone, and even when I left the room you wouldn't shut up about it until someone told you it wasn't true.

I guess I'm still stuck on how one time I blew a kiss to a random guy and you looked at me and said "yeah, do that in front of your boyfriend who's sitting right here."

I guess I'm still stuck on how we had our first sleepover and when you woke up the first thing you did was find me in the crowded room and say "I missed you." In your sleepy morning voice.

I guess I'm still stuck on our coffee trips down the shore and how you would always sit across from me and look me in the eyes even if there were no words coming from either of our lips.

I guess I'm still stuck on Monday when I asked you if you were going to hangout with her and you sadly said "No" as if you didn't want my feelings to get hurt.

I guess I'm still stuck on the last time I saw you and how I wanted to kiss you so bad when I dropped you back off at your moms house.

I guess I'm still stuck on how that was the last time I saw you.

I guess I'm still stuck on how when I got in the driver's side seat that you were just sitting in, and watched you walk up to your front door I realized that I loved you.

I guess I'm still stuck on how I can't even tell my friends because they're your best friends too.

I guess I'm still stuck on how the best memories I have are from July until now.

I guess I'm still stuck on everything that you are and everything you do.

I guess I'll always be stuck on you. 

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