A Parent's Love

I thought a parent's love was supposed to be forever..

so how come I haven't seen or heard from mine since like, ever?

I try to call and the endless ringing goes on and on for what seems live forever.

When my siblings can pick up the phone and get an answer whenever.

Yet, somehow the whole not talking bit is entirely my fault, cause I don't reach out to them hardly ever.

But see, I call them enough to know my number's been blocked for 2 years now come Easter.

It's all my fault though, remember?

I thought a parent's love was supposed to be unquestionable..

so how come to them I have always been just that...questionable.

Everything I did, do, or try seems to be unsuitable.

And if you don't know what it's like to feel inadmissible...

just know it's the worst feeling I've ever felt, and it's straight up reprehensible.

I thought a parent wasn't supposed to turn and walk away..

and no mine didn't literally turn and walk away,

instead they chose to slam the door in my face but still shouted through the closed doors telling me to stay.

They like to say their door is and will always be open.

Yet every time I try to step inside the doorbell seems to be broken.

How come they didn't even bother to fight for me?

I mean I'm barely 21 years old, have a manager's job cause I've become the person who I'd like to be!

It's not like I'm some bad person, I have a beautiful family, husband and son. When I'm off work, I stay at home where I like to be!

All I ever wanted to do was what was simply right for me.

So how come to make them happy I was expected to gracefully sacrifice myself?

Shouldn't they be happy of the good name I'm making for myself?!

So what? I guess this is all because I didn't grow up to be exactly how they wanted me to be?

They never even tried to accept me, for me.

I'm sure they'd say that was my fault too though, for deciding to be me.

Why am I the one having to fight back these tears every night?

Because I desperately wanted them to be a part my life, and I refused to let them leave me without a fight!

But, after years of fighting and begging I've finally come to the sad realization..

That I can't keep fighting a battle I know I'll never win..

I was the just one kid they had that they could leave without any hesitation.

That's the brutal truth to my unfortunately sad situation.