A Muffled Sound

every second of every minute of

every day of every week of

every month of every year

it is in my thoughts

i wonder at night as i close my eyes

will i ever open them

i wonder what will happen if i do

i wonder if i will feel like

getting out of bed

or if my eyes will water at the thought

of even sitting up or

lifting the covers

i tell myself i need to

i need to get out of bed

i need to get ready

i need to walk into school

and i sure as hell need to smile

like i woke up and jumped out

of the bed that ties me down

i tell myself i can lie for one more minute

that turns into ten

which turns into an hour and

i don't care

i don't care if i pass my exams

i can't mentally pick myself up to sit and study

i want to, i really do

atleast a part of me does

I wish i could want to rise

without the part of me

that laughs at the hope i have left

the part that wants me to stay

in the same position forever

Have you ever had a battle with yourself?

my mind is a paradox

constantly contradicting itself

do other people feel the same as i?

i am so alone

my mouth cries for help

but my hands cover the noise

into a muffled sound

that i hear of every second of every minute

of every day of every week of

every month of every year

it is always in my thoughts.