A Moment

I’ve heard people guess

on what depression feels like

but the only thing close

is that none of them are even close

to what it feels like

It feels like a crying pain

coming from your chest

An overbearing pain

that they say only lasts for a moment

but feels like forever

It feels like being held

at the bottom of a pool

struggling to gasp for air

flailing arms

pleading for help

And there are people surrounding you

but none of them see you

Or maybe they do

but they choose to overlook

what they do not understand

It feels like sleepless nights

and tired eyes

and no matter

how hard you try to sleep

your brain refuses to rest

It refuses to stop

turning over

everything that haunts you

It feels like begging God

over and over again

to take away the pain

attending church every Sunday

searching for a way out

but no answer comes

or at least not one that you can hear

It feels like having people

so close to you

and pushing them away

because you know

that it’s only a matter of time

Leave them

before they leave you

It feels like a nightmare

only it isn't just restricted to your sleep

It follows you every single day

at work

with friends and family

anywhere

and everywhere

and in the moment when you forget its there

when you smile or laugh

it jumps you

hits you like a bus

and you are reminded

that it was never gone

and it will never leave

So when someone

tries to explain what its like

to be depressed

even though

they have never experienced it themselves

I laugh

because the only thing close

is that none of them are even close

to what it feels like