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A Lone Leaf

Spoken Word

By Victoria-Louise SweetPublished 5 years ago 3 min read
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a lone leaf

alone leaf

I am a lone leaf

clinging on for dear life

Plodding along through the thick of it it

Scraping through school

Crawling out the other side

Trying to remain present

Making my mind to connect to my breath

Stopping my soul when it worries about the future

Swaying in the autumn breeze to the sweet sound of the wining wind

Waiting for the final inevitable fall

I'm either going to sore through the sky to success

Or drop to disappointment like the rest

But I'll focus on persisting through all these seasons

For so many unspeakable reasons

And I maybe the last to let go from fear of falling

But I'll be the most determined to be reborn from hoping

As the leaves degrade to soil after time on the ground

I will Blossom when spring pops back around

About the Poem

I have always struggled in the winter. I know winter doesn't start until the 21st and the video above is about autumn but it's nearly as cold as winter. I think a lot of people struggle when it gets darker for longer out there. We're not supposed to be awake when the sun sets but because of the invention of electricity we can. However, I struggled in the summer too. I remember feeling sweaty on the way to work. It was the first time I've had a full-time job for the whole of summer. Last year, I just did casual waitressing work while I looked for permanent work. Nevertheless, at least my motivation levels were high in the summer. I've had three days off and all I could do was a bit of drawing. At least I'm doing this. You know you're procrastinating when your writing about it, reading about it or watching a YouTube video about it. All of which I have done plenty of. I keep saying to myself go on to do an hour and then I'll think but it's too cold so I'll stay where I am. My work is actually holding a Christmas party right now. I've been dying to dress up nice for weeks but the idea of the hour commute just to stay an hour and then come back isn't thrilling. I love the people I work with, probably would have more motivation to make something if I didn't.

My boyfriend loves winter. He loves Christmas because of the presents and he loves building the fire in winter and the rain. I mean, why would anyone love rain? I like the sound of it but other than that rain can do one. Maybe, I'm just being a Scrooge.

The three things I'm grateful for today are:

  1. Being invited to the Christmas party. Even if I'm not there it's nice to be invited.
  2. Amazon Prime, so I don't have to go into the cold to buy Christmas gifts, but I'm still annoyed to avoid taxes. Come on multinational corporations, we all need infrastructure and better school. Even you owners need them so your future employees can be smart and you can transport your goods over bridges and roads!
  3. Vocal for making me feel like I'm being productive (I kind of am being productive, but I'm in the middle of starting two videos, one of which I need to finish by January 1. Instead of doing that, I decided to start something else.)

And it’s crazy that last month I posted a short film. Maybe that’s just it. Maybe I need to rest after the surge of motivation I obtained to make a short film. I also then tried to be a Steward for a couple of weeks. It would have been fun if I got to chose the shows I wanted to steward at but I didn’t so decided to stick with the box office. I get waves of thinking oh yeah this is a great job because I don’t have a rubbish manager and all I have to stand up all day. However, tomorrow I’m starting a five-day straight week and I prefer it so much more when I have a day off in the middle of the week. Sorry that this is just a rant about my life. I just had three days off I should be more grateful but my days off are spent thinking I should get up and make something. I hope the motivation comes back. It usually does after a long time of not making anything. I just say “enough!” and get on with it. I know exactly what it is. Do you know how boring it is to animate blinks? Drawing the same frames over and over. You’d think I can just copy and paste it but no because the lip sync is different for each frame. Also, I’m worried the painting won’t be as good as I want it to be again. First world problems again. Sorry, next time I will be more positive.

performance poetry
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