A Life Worth Living

I have taken blades and hot irons to my skin too many times to count.

Being sick with Anorexia-

Eating maybe half of what my body needed a day,

And being severely depressed was my identity.

I moved through this world feeling like a weed,

a nuisance,

a nobody,

a mistake.

I walked the halls of my high-school with my head hanging low so as not to draw too much attention, even though attention was sometimes what I craved.

I desired to be touched, hugged, loved.

But I was unworthy.

I still took up too much space.

I had been to treatment for my eating disorder twice by the time I turned twenty-one.

I did not learn until just recent that taking up space is not a problem that needs to be solved.

Living in the body I was given and with all of it’s capabilities and even it's limits,

Is a blessing, not an evil curse meant to be burned alive.

The life inside me has been in the dark for too long.

I want to see the light.

Some of my struggles are due to real mental illnesses,

But I won’t let that define me any longer.

It’s okay to be sad, but it’s not okay to live life on the edge of ending it.

I will take up as much space as I need with a body that loves to love,

And with my voice that sometimes shakes when I speak,

But will roar when necessary.

I have a life that I want to live for myself and others,

To help heal wounds with my poetry, by saying the things others can’t, or don’t know how to.

I deserve to move in this world,

And you do too.