A Letter to My Abuser

My love for you was eternal,

But your love for me was not,

The hurt was not always verbal,

But I could not let go because I was in a love knot,

Everything you did to me made you feel immortal

When I said I was sorry I did not mean I wanted your fingers hugging my neck,

You thought you were a thug,

All anyone ever saw was how I could bedeck,

When I looked in the mirror all I could see was a pill bug,

All I wanted was a little love; just a spec

You have shown love to many,

But all I received was hate,

Oh the tyranny,

I will never admit I could see our fate,

Every move was made warily

Holidays were the best,

My presents were always tears,

But never did I protest,

All the years,

Oh yes everyone looked at me and said how blessed!

You brainwashed me very well,

I always complied,

Yet the only way you could talk to me was through a yell,

To whom I was closest with I could not confide,

Please someone help me out of this Hell!

I have had enough,

I am beautiful without you,

But he called my bluff,

All I could do was construe,

I will never be that tough

I was locked up in a cage,

All I dreamt of was letting go,

As I grew older in age,

Soon I began to lose my glow,

And you became full of more rage

You knew I wanted to leave,

So you would tease,

But I would misperceive,

I did my best to appease,

But never did I achieve

So I let go of my ambition,

And went back to my cage that kept me away from life,

I failed my mission,

And soon you began to strife,

On came another condition

Here comes the awful word no one likes to hear

I was engulfed with depression,

How much can I endure,

He was full of suppression,

His goal was to make my thought of leaving to disappear

Now people notice I am unhappy,

And he starts to shower me with expensive gifts,

Behind our closed door he was still snappy,

My life was full of what ifs,

However he made sure I was always snazzy

I had the thought again,

My family noticed,

He was like a stain,

I was just his hostess,

Until it was time for me to break this chain

I broke the thing sustaining me,

It was like I was finally free,

But even he could agree,

I could still not flee,

It was sort of a plea

He lingered everywhere,

Even in my nightmares,

All I did was fill my head with prayer,

But nothing compares,

I just needed some air

He was my shadow,

I could still feel his touch,

He was no longer a friend of mine just a foe,

I had to find a different crutch,

So i pushed him way below

I make my new chapter,

He is completely gone,

He is no longer my captor,

Oh how I love to sit on my lawn,

I no longer have a master

I attend support groups,

Life is a little easier,

I still have some loops,

My smile is a little cheesier,

I guess you can say I have shown my drupes

I have a different life now,

I have friends,

But anyhow,

I now make amends,

And wipe the hate I have for you from my brow

I love myself and I have learned to love again.

Not for a relationship yet,

I abstain from that till I am truly healed,

I will never again choose to stay with a threat,

But my life will not be put on yield

I will forgive but I will not forget,

Your intentions left internal scars,

My life is not yet set,

I will never forget the start of ours,

My love for you was eternal