A Letter to Grandma

A Letter to Grandma

Hello, and Hi, I know you recognize this face.

It has been along time since we have talked there so much to say.

Wait…

First let me say, “I’m so sorry I went away.”

That I did not stay and turned away.

To be honest…

I thought that was the way everyone wanted.

The vacations to Texas just had suddenly stopped.

Sitting in the flower shop watching you make bouquets and corsages never happened again.

My family just disappeared like the morning fog.

I was young but not dumb I knew something was not right.

I was but a kid who was I to put up a fight.

Taught your not suppose to ask about grown folk’s business.

The last I knew the fight was because of me being young

And dumb and being selfish you see.

I did apologize and pay you back.

In my mind I figured that was that. I messed up so why would she want anything to do with me.

I have gone all these years missing you and grandpa.

Every time I watch Dallas play I remember watch the game and grandpa’s excitement would make me laugh.

Guess What…

My daughter and I will always cheer for the silver and blue and that’s a FACT!!

Anyways…

I know I may not know everything Skeletons that can stay right where they are

Locked up in the past sealed and barred.

I did go on my separate way and took on this world face to face.

With the motto I can do anything.

Time and time again I have stood on my own and when I get knocked down I’d get

Right back up again.

Never calling to say hi or to check in on anyone.

To much going on in the mountains of Colorado.

The family I knew blew up like an atomic bomb.

I wanted no part of it for that I do not think I was wrong.

With having a family of my own.

I could not expose them to that. Not wanting that chaos a part of their life.

I remember telling you long ago

“When I become a mommy, I will be the best mommy ever!”

I kept that statement close to heart.

To do so I had to step away and discover my own way.

Get answer to questions all my life.

Yes, I found Robin and Nathan and guess what

They both turned me away like the devil in the night.

All she wanted to do is blame dad and you that y’all stole me away from her

Through lies and secret custody hearings. That she looked and could never find me.

That made me laugh…

Dad was military which is command public information if she wanted to find me it would not have been hard.

Before she died I did forgive her letting go of the anger and frustrations that I had my whole life.

Another chapter closed in my book of life.

I heard you guys moved up that way.

Then had to move back cause the air was not good for grandpa.

I have taken on many storms in my life hell even hurricanes cannot keep me down.

But something is still not right.

This void this space between us is like the size of the Grand Canyon.

I only have me to blame.

Once papa died I figured everyone was at your door.

Reaching out now would be kinda petty.

Sure hands were out at the ready. All along trucking down the road of life all alone.

Being mad that though my brother has his own sins seemed to be the child that

Got all the attention. Do not get me wrong I love his little ass.

But I bought my first and raise 4 kids and have never in life

Done the things he did. Now I have a nephew that will grow up just like me always wondering who his daddy might be. This breaks my heart.

Then it hit me…

Your kids do not even know their grandfather he is a voice on the end of a telephone.

Better yet they do not know you.

Blood is thicker than water and time is quickly ticking away.

My oldest graduates in just 2 years. I am 39 now and I’m tierd.

Tierd of facing this world alone tierd of being rejected by my own.

Its time that I fill in this space. I need to better communicate.

Yes I reached out in a great time of need. But that is not why cause I never have.

Please grandma do not turn from me, enter my world and you will see that love is all I have.