A Beautifully Broken Disaster

“Experience does not define one's mind faith does, obstacles do” that’s what I was told.

Memories of a life in which I was only alone surround me. As for so long I sat there in the

shadows of the dark that consumed me. Cold and alone, I thought there was no one who could

possibly care enough as to take my hand and pull me out of the darkness in which I resided.

Here I was; I thought I was the only one belittled on a day to day basis, kicked to the ground and

told it was all my fault “no one will ever love you” said the voices, said he, he’d shout things like

“you are worthless” and “one day I’ll kill you because the world does not need useless stupid

people like you.” I thought this was okay, As a 9-year-old I thought I deserved it, I mean I

must have done something to be seen as a toy stripped of innocence, A useless object or an

envied punching bag, you didn’t see that I was a flower waiting to bloom, but if you believe that

I am a toy and object to be thrown around and sexualized it must be so. So there I was broken for

what seemed to be a million days, tears streaming down my face, I look up and weakly whisper “

why”. Still crying I began to wonder what life looked on the outside, were there really vast

mountainous caverns perching downward as though they are part of the single skies, and are

there multiple skies of both light and dark within an outstretched universe, this world of beautiful flawed inequalities mendable caves and drifts, my mind wanders to a small dark cabin where lurking beneath is the

heart of the darkest souls and then the fields beyond is the heart of the wild and the heart of the

heavens lies in the middle of the meadows, if I lie there quietly for awhile maybe I will hear

them whispering “I’m here,” can I hear them calling my name, they will beckon me toward the

light and if I follow I will wake up in paradise. The sun setting on the ocean delicately the moon

begins to rise over and reflects clearly upon the water. Can I see A reflection in the moon or is it

in the grass or trees, then shall I find a broken smile deep within hurricanes or sands of life, of

time, shall it never be short lived. That outstretched hand I saw the night I could feel my heart

slowly begin to break and my soul begin to shatter, was I just a dream? A dream I dreamed that

you or someone took me far away from him and this place of anguish, you lead me to this

paradise, in your arms where I am free from torture, you said “we ought not believe our lives are

nothing no matter how hard this seems to be, there is always a light even when you feel trapped,

where there is a will there is a way.” Can you calm your body enough to feel the energy around

you, to feel the Aura the suns radiation gives off, can you feel the moons silent cries at night as

its dark shadows surround, you should as you are the moon. Then you disappeared and I woke

up just as the doors flew open and the shouting started once more. I crawled into the corner

hoping that maybe you wouldn’t see me, but you did. As the doorknob began to move, I moved

closer to the shadowed parts of the darkness behind the wall, knees to chest, my arms clasped

around my legs. I began to softly mutter the words of a prayer I once learned, as I rocked back

and forth, staring at the ceiling and then back down at the carpet. The door flies open and hits the

wall behind it. Your eyes venture around the room and after a few moments you look right at me,

me a small grey expressionless teary eyed figure huddled in the furthest corner, you walked

toward me and shouted “you useless slut, did you really think you could hide from me? You grabbed me and threw me against the wall and yelled “on your knees now!” You didn’t care that

my body hurt so you treated me like a toy and tossed me around, you took advantage of my

innocent, untouched body. Crying as my frail body broke under the forceful pressure of your

grown body against me, such a delicate person pounded until she was just a motionless mass

emotions and envy. Then when you had satisfied that twisted urge to use me as your slave of

those sexual desires, you threw me down once more and beat me until I was bruised, broken, and

left without a single breath. Covered in blood and unable to move I was close to death but I had

to hold on. I could hear you yelling “you weak useless whore” you kicked my body again and

just then I was shattered, my body was torn. Just as my eyes were about to flutter and close I saw

you mouth the words “I told you you weren’t strong enough to be or to stay alive you’re just a

useless good for nothing slut I hope you die.” I thought I was about to and wanted to as I was

on the floor shivering clutching to the last bit of faith I had left, I was holding on for dear life

then I was gone… Dead or at least it felt that way. I felt gentle hands lift me and heard sirens

all around, what was happening? Then all stopped and I felt a sudden “thump” more noise and

unfamiliar voices then silenc… was I sleeping or was this truly the end? Maybe I was

dreaming again because I head your voice, but just as before I could not see your face, you were

a faceless angel without a name…. You whispered “you’re free for this is freedom, freedom

from him and the voices, now you’re not so alone I will never let you go back to that dark lonely

place ever again where he and the voices whisper to you “worthless.” for you are a beautiful

disaster, a work in progress, soon to be a masterpiece beautifully sculpted to the rhythm of who

you are meant to be, you will soon see clearly.

Then you grabbed my hand and we began to dance, there were stars all around us but all I saw were the ones in what appeared to be deep blue and hazel eyes, music began to play in the Background like a song with no words, just a melodious piano, you began singing “beautiful

girls all over the world I could be chasing but my time would be wasted because they are not you

I’m yours forever I promise.” You kissed me. Then I woke up to the beeping sounds of heart

monitors and sobbing, teary filled eyes, as my eyes fluttered open I attempt to say hello and as

my speech travels through the air and reaches the ears of all the crying intensified, I was alive

despite all odds. you found me in the peaking midst of chaos and when all thought the end was

near you

pushed me back down to earth for you see I was the writer lost without a cause and you were the

“Hunter” sent to tame my ever wandering heart… For you promised to live always to

precariously mend my broken, you are no longer a faceless angel without a name you became a

saviour in the night, two restless souls lurking day after day found serenity through the storms of one another's eyes

For you see you are my ground and I am your autumn waterfall

A Beautifully Broken Disaster

In the end, strength and love conquers all. For the belief that you are not enough is a fallacy. Believe in your strength and remember that beauty is within the eyes of the beholder.