8.38 am

it is 8:38am

and i’m thinking

about that boy with the blonde hair and blue eyes,

he is going to be the one to break your heart

the one that smells like the wind after a storm

but when that heart break is over

you will fall for someone that is opposite

completely and utterly opposite

he has dark hair and dark, fiery brown eyes

eyes that make you feel like you are looking at wildfire

but that first boy, he is going to take a fragment of you

a remnant that you can’t get back

they tell you that virginity isn’t even that big of a deal

it’s not even a real commodity

because

in just a matter of seconds it’s gone.

so why does it make you feel so attached?

it’s that first fucking time

that first time is what gets you devoted to making them stay

you’ve never been that close with anyone

mentally or physically

then when that second boy comes around

he is only looking for one thing

you are lonely

you want to give him every single thing the world won’t

and at the end of the day you give him what he is searching for

so that’s all your friendship turns to

with all of these people just wanting to have sex and leave

we drown our pain in the bitter taste of vodka

we bury our self worth with the shovels we buy so we can smell the grass that was once freshly mowed and green

they say the grass is greener on the other side

so you try to join that side and now the grass has turned to a brown color

and it’s all your fault

we go out to different people to feel the pattern on their sheets,

to hear their low voice

maybe it will sound like the boys that once wanted you

you give these boys all your trust

turns out you can’t trust them

never let the boys with eyes like an ocean

or the boys with fire in their hearts

make your heart a prisoner

because they will hold your heart captive

And manage to catch the ocean on fire

but eventually you have to get over it

because

life sucks and then you die