8:35 PM Wednesday

Deep breath as I lay down thinking, over thinking at that ...deep breath ...deep breath, deep breath, DEEP BREATH panicking... make it stop! I don't know what to do! I quickly grabbed my keys, slipped on my shoes then headed straight for the door. Why am I this way? Thinking as I sped to a near by gas station. Straight to the back I rushed to the alcohol section of the store. Grabbed two big Strawberita cans and a cheap ass bottle of $7.99 wine, payed for it at the counter then immediately left. Once I returned home I popped open one can of Strawberita and began to chug away until finished. I sighed with a sense of relief from the anxiety I had experienced prior...AAAHHH deep breath ...deep breath ...deeeeepppp breath. Alcohol. My temporary medication, but once the alcohol fades it's back to another night of panic. Another night of loneliness. Another night of creating scenarios in my head wishing you were here and we were happy again. Why? Why did you have to enter my life so beautifully, yet left so ugly? Leaving me with scars and a fucked up mentality. I need you. I need you like how I need the alcohol to stop thinking about you ...I miss you. I LOVE YOU.