I was in a dream until reality struck me like a lightning bolt. I knew something was coming when I didn’t get my hello I missed you kiss or in other words what was ending, but I felt it in my gut. This force of energy whispering in my ear this won't last long. Walking with you left an awkward cloud in the path we had left and it lead to the moment that was long dreaded, our future plan, both heading to different trails that take us to our own meaning of life but it meant leaving the other behind so we made the choice, a friendship would be long lasting and less painful to experience but in reality this ripped my heart apart, but I will never forget the feeling that I got when you mentioned that the intimacy and lust from my art turned you green, it brought the wrath in me the feeling of not owning your trust and raised questions of your knowledge on me. Do you know me or was it just a guess? The answer I will never get, but the event was left with no promises. You still want me around and I don’t deny that I feel the same but breathing the same air will never be again as I slowly realize that if we look at each other the intense awkwardness will pile up into regret. I told you I would be there for you but I’m afraid I made a promise I can’t keep. Terrified of how you will take it but at the same time I could care less because now that we’re no longer the only one I care for is me.
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Reactor 4
I only ask that you get what you deserve. After all these years of putting yourself first. I can't deny the shock nor the relief that somehow still hurts. It was either you or me that needed to leave and I don't know which way was worse. I'm glad I didn't lose my nerve. I'm glad you can't swallow me up anymore. The fallout was endurable because I had already planned on radiation poisoning. I witnessed the meltdown of our egos flush away any chance at redemption. I knew you weren't infallible but you still had to prove you were. How do I redefine myself when you were the one defining factor? What more can I disregard? Every single red flag and inconsistent flaw? Who was I before the procedure of lobotomy? You left me in standby mode and now I'm in recovery mode. Who am I after this hypothetical treason? If I remember the despair, then I remember everything. If I ever said forever, then I'm sure I meant it at the time. I watched these events unfold as if I wasn't an active participant. Life just happened as if I had no will or choice. I could have altered my course and sailed for new waters. Instead, I sat the helm and marooned this shipwreck into hostile Mercury. I tried to even the score and keep three steps ahead of you. Why did we treat this love like a competition? This board game of a marriage was a crooked one from the start. Rewards and punishments were the way I demonstrated my resolve. How could we have spoken the truth that everything was falling apart? How did I ever believe that you were redeemable once? I don't know if certainty will ever find me but I will search for it with the utmost sincerity. I've already pivoted from scheduled unhappiness. Deviating from unwelcome reality and inevitable consequences. I always wanted more but you always settled for less. The strongest commitment was the one I could only make for myself. It's just a flimsy word when actions don't align and you never follow through. I kept projecting the worst I could imagine and you still somehow managed to undermine even that. This broken alliance hasn't summoned a surrender out of me yet. I am still loyal and devoted, just to myself. You had me wallowing in pity notions and unfounded doubt. Because of you, selfishness is something I could do without. You were the collateral damage in the war against myself. You continuously chose yourself over everyone else. Somehow, you still bring out the worst in me. Somehow, I still let you have this profound effect on me. What is this hellfire I keep waltzing through? Why do I allow this hysteria to continue? Will this lunacy ever end? When will your ghost stop haunting me and let me move on? I have new elevations to conquer. I have more sights to behold. I must cut out this cancer like a tumor in order to heal. This meltdown is imminent and must be shut down. I can't escape the contamination but I can escape you. We have been hazardous to ourselves and it's time for inoculation. My gas mask is useless but it's still my best defense. I will go left while you go right. I can't focus on you anymore if I want to flee from radiation sickness. I can still make it out alive. I know I can
By Anna Torres7 days ago in Poets
📢 Raise Your Voice Thread: 04/25/2024
Our “Raise Your Voice Threads” are hosted every other Thursday at 12PM ET to offer creators more avenues to uncover exceptional stories on Vocal. As we are continuously searching for fresh creators and inspiring stories, this thread provides an opportunity to exchange and discuss the stories that have moved and motivated us on Vocal.
By Raise Your Voice by Vocala day ago in Resources
The Voyeur's Incandescent Reasoning
The woman sat nonplussed, in the Waiting Room. In a sort of daze, looking straight ahead patiently. She had already had three small breakfast's that morning and a nip of sherry, this was not unusual she would typically wait until an hour after she took her anti-depressant and was her morning routine. She was merely following instructions she assured herself, shifted slightly in her seat and feeling a little heart burn thought, maybe she should skip lunch. Dom had said to have the task done this week. She was well used to his methods and desired to get this over and done with soon. She glanced at her watch, smiled weakly at the Receptionist who was there for a moment and then gone.
By Canuck Scriber L.Lachapelle Authorabout 15 hours ago in Fiction
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