months before turning 18, it was all I thought about.
coming of age
there's so many things that it meant, so many things I could do.
move out, go to college, get a tattoo, even buy a fish
it felt like it should have been a huge deal. I should have felt like the adult I know I was. I felt no different.
but eighteen meant so many things, it meant I could start becoming who I know I am, it meant I could have my name changed it meant
transitioning
I felt stuck in a loop of possibility and limitation.
I turned eighteen painting and watching The Office.
it was anticlimactic
the first thing I did with the power of my adulthood was buy cigarettes
a pack of Marlboros.
it was nostalgic, reminded me of the smell of my dad's Winstons and his old Volvo station wagon. it reminded me of hot and humid mosquito-filled summers at the park I lived by.
it's a bittersweet freedom. feeling like I can repeat his mistakes, starting with that pack.
it's been four months.
I have smoked two cigarettes.
it was anticlimactic
About the Creator
E.A. Forster
A fan of literature and cinema, following civil rights and the LGBT+ community. History enthusiast, artist, writer, and journalist.
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