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Until I Found You

This is our story.

By Shawnee LynnPublished 6 years ago 2 min read
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Infatuation. Lust. Love. Those three words, the three stages of my feelings for you.

I was at a party that night. You were probably at home, almost 1000 miles away.

That Cactus App gave me luck—I received over 1000 requests that night.

You were one of them.

I had hundreds of messages.

You were one of them.

I replied to twenty.

You were one of them.

We talked that night, and the next.

I was taken, and unlike everybody else (including myself), you respected that.

We stopped talking.

I forgot you.

I'm sure you forgot me, too.

That was fine.

I was taken.

I didn't love her.

How can you feel something you've never seen or felt?

I left her because of my demons.

You messaged me later.

"Hey."

Your demons didn't kill mine

Nor did they call them.

Yours danced with mine;

In circles and twirls that made me too dizzy to stand.

We talked.

We lusted.

And I was spinning so fast that I continued falling.

Half the time my demons led me to believe you weren't catching me

Photos and messages and promises of better days

You were different,

And I was hitting rock bottom.

I graduated, I got back with her.

All because my demons were paranoid and were whispering that you were using me

That I didn't deserve you

And above all,

You would indirectly and unknowingly cause my disrespect

I cut off whatever it was that we had.

We both built our walls.

I still didn't love her.

I was thinking about you...

... but I wasn't thinking about her.

I broke it off with her, again

It hurt her, but it did not hurt me.

It did save future hurt, though.

Months passed.

I tore down my walls, one by one.

I didn't want anything with anyone.

I was focusing on myself.

Letting go of grudges and tearing down every wall I made.

I gave you the chance to re-enter my life.

You took it.

You were heartbroken, and just like you respected me so long ago, I respected you.

Then you spoke to me for the first time in a long time

(I almost had a heart attack)

You messaged first, I responded

Barely scraping the surface at first, but then going deeper.

Then we stopped, and that's when I realized:

I truly wasn't looking for love, until I found you.

love poems
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