She and Me

Feels familiar doesn't it?

That emptiness that you get when your soul is weak.

You feel as if you have felt it before.

Nursed it back to health and patched it back together.

But this time the pain is deeper.

Cutting at your gut.

Suffocating your lungs.

Toying with your heart.

You feel empty.

Devoid of emotion.

Succumbed to physical pain.

Confused as to why you're hurting.

Why you are empty.

Why can't you just be happy...

Where was the trigger?

When did it happen?

Was it the way that person looked at me?

What they said to me?

When did I start hurting again?

Didn't I fix these parts of me?

Didn't I mend this tired broken soul?

Or did I put bandaids where stitches should have been?

Instead of a permeant fix...

Bullshit took over.

I am a master manipulator you see...

Even to myself.

I grabbed hold of all those painful memories and stuffed them in a box.

But now my body is cringing...

Why?

My heart is racing...

Why?

My head is hurting...

Why?

Why?

Why?

I didn't see it through you see.

I made my own Pandora's box but didn't lock away the key.

My body feels the weight of all those memories and is holding me accountable.

My soul feels the bandaids falling off and the wounds reopening.

Daily life is feeling frail...

So I must hold on.

Stitch myself together.

Regain control.

Regain my life.

Regain my soul.

I am a warrior you see.

As a warrior I have gone through many things.

As I have gone through many things I have also bumped into many versions of me.

And now here is another one.

A strong independent woman wanting to desperately break free.

Deal with her demons and finally walk into the light destined for her.

I'm letting her out.

This new version of me.

And I'm excited to see what she does with me.