Remember

Remember who you were before 'him', before 'her', before 'them'.

You were a wild thing, not different, but more 'you' than an 'us'.

You trusted your judgment, you were so sure,

Creating for yourself life upon life, opening doors and jumping ravines, making immortal dares and decisions, without a care in the world. You laughed and cried for no one else but yourself. by invitation only did others witness your moments and carry out a ledger of your wild mistakes and successes. You trusted others once, you were a pack.

You fell, you got up, you worried (you talked yourself into it anyway) and you survived then, you all survived then....

You'll survive now.

All that you have forgotten, your Courage and Bravery, you still have. It may be buried under moments and memories and sex and marriage proposals, but it is still there,

Somewhere.

Dig deep, feel the dirt slide from your hands, past the hurt, into your blood pumping in your veins,

'Know thyself' again.

Remember when you danced? When you drank and twinkled under neon lights? You were a brighter thing, attracting like a magnet everything to you that you wanted. Remember when you laughed so hard your sides split? It was not with 'them' then, but with the others, the other ones you loved and shared your glowing heart with.

Remember those full smiles? Not the polite smiles, not the secret smiles, not the forced smiles, not the lover smiles, but the big, no holes barred, heart shattering smiles, the ones that weren't learnt, but left to beam, unfiltered, un posed, unbelievably yours?

Remember how you fought for your job, your rights, your house and your friends? Remember the nights you lay awake with possibility? You didn't know what would happen next, but somehow, it always moved forward, it was always possible, You made sure of that, and even if it required claws, you sharpened yours, ready to carve your way.

You have not lost this woman; she is still there, begging you to listen, to take her hand, to trust her instincts once more. Somewhere between 'back then' and 'us', she lay mute, gathering dust, whilst someone else's lips muttered sweet nothings into your ear.

She lay perfectly still and patiently poised for your return, for you to see her, see you once more.

You are not lost, you are not less, you are not 'on the side', 'the shelf', 'behind'.

You are right here,

She is right here,

Holding your breath and your heart and your hands, she will always have faith in you, even when you have none left for yourself.

She will be the one to mend your heart, she will whisper within you until you hear her loud and clear. She will remind you that no, it is not you that is lost, it is just moment and memory, so easily made, easily taken and easily remade, like a patchwork quilt. And however broken these moments are, she was here before even then.

You mistake that it is your fault. You were always enough. You were always a gift; you were always the best woman for 'them' in that nest of yours.

You mistake that you do not know your next move, that you are broken, that you are half of a something, you were never a 'whole' anything, it was always always you, and them.

Remind yourself that you are all you need, you bring yourself in, bring yourself out, of 'us', like a flowing river, you will find your sea again.

But for now, remember. Remember your roots, your map, and your beguiling self.

Remember your capabilities, your fierce and abundant mind, your beautiful soul pieces, and sew them up into that patchwork quilt.

Remember 'her', remember 'hurt' and bank it, use it, let it fuel you out of there.

Even if you are crawling, kicking and screaming, even if you are dusty, worn and torn, let her guide you.

Remember intuition, gut, instinct, primal knowledge and remake yourself, just like before. The now maybe broken, but the past is your map to the future. You do not need 'them' to guide you forward, you are your own compass, and you will always find your North, even if you must map the stars again.

Do not worry, this is only an 'ink spot in water' moment, it will pass, it will disperse, it will teach you to awaken to yourself.

There is more love to feel, it sparks and fizzes and waits between these tears for you.

When something is no more, it doesn't mean it didn't count, that You didn't count, it just means it is done now, you have built the whole sand castle, there is no more to add, it must wash away with ancient tides, bringing new sands to your feet.

Remember who you were before you were 'us'

Remember how you were enough, that you were always whole.

Remember you are not a broken thing,

You are never broken, only ever shedding and renewing.

Remember her, you, and this!

Remember the big and beautiful world and it's billions of stardust beings!

You will find more,

You will love more,

You will be more than this, this moment, this nest,

Because you are 'You', wholly 'You', inevitably, indefinitely, infinitely...

You just have to trust her again,

To love Her again,

She has her own things to say and do,

She is more capable than 'they know',

You just have to remember.