Make a Change

As I had opened my eyes that morning I saw the dark clouds make their way into my life.

I sat up, looking out the window as the reflexion of them made my eyes shine, reflecting my emotions in the window of my soul.

As I watched those clouds get closer, I realised how much they reminded me of myself;

Grey.

I was grey.

No black or white, not a ying or yang, not good or bad, happy or sad, ugly or beautiful, smart or stupid, heavy or a lightweight, leaf or a feather, red or blue, fast or slow, me or someone else.

I was never able to choose.

But I did.

I was the perfect combination of imperfect matches.

I wasn't the Sun or the Rain.

I was a cloud.

You never know if they'll let their emotions out and make it rain or if they'll give up and move away, letting the sun shine bright.

You never know.

Unpredictable.

I was a mixture of emotions: good and bad.

But I knew that one day I'll have to make a choice.

So as I sat there, with my legs held tight to my chest and my left cheek on my knees, with my nose pointing towards the window, I thought about all the choices I had to make in my life, letting the light find its place on my face, as the Sun came up.

How do you stop thinking when thinking is the only thing you can do?

I stood up and walked inside the bathroom.

Staring at my reflexion in the mirror, I thought about all of the times I ended up being in that situation, looking at myself, trying to see something new, something extraordinary.

But I never do.

I washed my face with cold water, cooling down the warm rays of the Sun that had previously heated my cheeks.

As I was walking through the corridor I let my fingertips caress the white walls surrouning me.

White. Nothing.

I had nothing around me, despite that, I felt claustrophobic.

I walked into the kitchen, and stared to make breakfast. How ironic. I break too fast.

I sat down at the table, looking out the large window to my right.

I initiated an investigation of my own backyard, I felt poetic.

There was so much green in my garden, so much hope outside.

But I've always been an introvert.

I carried on my day, getting ready to go out as I thought about how much my life was changing.

I walked out of my house, leaving my confort zone as I did everymorning, not sure about how ready I was to face the same monotony again.

My life was a huge mess made up of choices;

And I swear I always made the wrong ones.

I see people everyday.

I see new faces everyday.

None of them inspire me.

I see people and think about the lives they must have.

I see an old couple holding hands and imagine the day they met. I imagine where they're walking to and whether or not they will watch tv tonight.

I see a mother and her two children and I can't help but wonder if the father is at work or at home waiting for them, or if he is somewhere far away and will never come back.

I see a girl holding her high heeled shoes in one hand and her broken heart in the other as she walks down the street with her face covered in the makeup she put on with much care last night, only to be destroyed and found all over her white dress this morning.

I see faces, I see stories. And I still can't seem to find inspiration.

That is the reason why today is the day I decide to make a change.

I continue walking, reaching my final destination:

A new life.