Inside My Mind

inside my mind where do i begin? Sometimes I am fighting an enemy and sometimes its a friend, but i guess the scary part is waking up not knowing which I am going to have today because my mind is a minefield for angels and a playground for demons and at this point i don't have the right words to say

because in my mind these words seem so scrabble, so lost, but as I write they come out perfect and make me seem worth it instead of worthless but don't worry I am ok I rehearsed it.

inside my mind where do I begin to make you understand because my words are like a broken record playing i'm ok over and over again because I keep explaining to you but I can't make you see the amount of pain and rage and sadness inside of me! but at the same time I don't want anyone to feel this, I don't want anyone to understand.

Inside my mind where do I begin when anger, anxiety and depresion are my best friends and I know what they say its like feeding poison to yourself and hoping they die but I guess I like the way poison taste because its always on my mind.

Inside my mind where do I begin? I confuse my wants with my needs and get lost in between the stress and the fight with myself I am so desperate to win but I was born to be the bad guy in a world full of real bad guys trying to be heroes I was bound to lose in the end.

Inside my mind where do I begin? If you had to go a day in my mind would you make it to the end? I believe the strongest warriors fight the bravest fights but in some situations when is it ok to pick flight.

I'm not saying give up or give in but when is a battle not worth the win?

Inside my mind where do I begin? When you can stand in room full of people who say that they love you and still feel just as alone as before you walked in and it's nothing you did or have done I know your there but in this mind set nothing can compare.

Inside my mind where do I begin? Will I ever be ok again? Have I rehearsed the word too many times that I don't know what actually being ok really is?

Inside my mind where do I begin? Because when I say I am tired you don't believe me but it's the truth, I am tired, tired of being broken, tired of being lost, tired of trying to find myself and getting my heart crossed.

I am sorry if my negativity is overwhelming, and my thoughts are too much, but that is just what I let you hear and I guess that is my crunch because if you knew what was really going on in my mind, you would leave me behind just like everyone else did.

In my mind where do I begin? There is no where to begin, just listen and be a friend, don't tell me what I need and that I am crazy, just hold me and be there and let me be because one I'll be ok but that one day just isn't today.

Aug-29-2018