Endurance

I have so many questions that I don't know how to ask yet. I will I'm sure, ask them that is, one day.

But for now I feel like my very being is crying for release, and is denied the words to do so.

I feel like I don't know who I am anymore, I don't like who I'm becoming.

The world is different this side of the Ocean, it calls to you with it's bright lights and promises of success.

Hiding the darkness that lurks behind the surface, just out of sight, but there, always there for those who can see.

And I see, Father made sure of that.

I fear that I will be distracted from the things that truly matter, my family. Not my immediate family, but the children that have been given to my father. My super bio family.

Father did not seem pleased when I left, I felt it, but I left anyway.

I think that I have fail him, that above all things scares me.

But I am tired, I am tired of people expecting so much from me.

I am not that great a being.

But in truth, I am just tired of disappointing everyone, myself included.

Sometimes I just want to quit, to sleep and wake up to a perfect world, where there is no strife, no pain, no death. Where I do not have to worry about all the things that plague me.

But I know that there is no rest in that sleep.

I know that if I sleep and wake up to a perfect world, in which I am to abide forever, but have not the accurate knowledge of the builder, how he built that world, nor did I pay any price to merit being a citizen of such a world, I will feel no sense of belonging.

Therefore I Endure.

For that is my name.