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Blowjob to a Beretta

A Piece on the Pain of Loss and the Inability to Deal with It in a Healthy Way

By Ryan CooperPublished 6 years ago 2 min read
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(The one thing I need to make very clear, this is not a suicide note, this is not a cry for help. This is poetry, from the heart, from my soul, I simply chose this perspective because it's the most evocative, the best way to express the emotions I have on this matter. Those of you who truly know me also know that I would never commit suicide. Now that that's out of the way, I hope you like it...)

I sit here looking around at happy couples free from trouble, no struggle no strife, no rusted knife stuck in their back, a vicious attack, she snapped and lashed out, we scream we shout, we fight it out and at the end I've lost a friend once again. My heart will mend, I'll walk my own path, done the math, two minus one, an end to fun, a cessation of elation, a heart-rending sensation leaving me broken, hollow, no star to follow just drifting, hanging, shifting, banging my head against the wall, I stumble and fall no hope at all, no rope left not even to hang myself with, maybe slit my wrists or slash my throat, the blood pouring out onto the floor, life ending, nothing more to come, finally numb, free of pain, fuck the rain, the clouds roll in and cover the sun, no light in my life, all struggles and strife, I clutch the knife fighting to find a reason to go on, staying strong won't last long like this, clenching my fists so pissed at a world so cold, bitter to my soul, a gaping hole inside but too much pride to let that show, to let them know I'm letting go, losing my grip starting to slip the mask is chipped and soon the whole world will see what rots beneath I rest in peace, eternal sleep, forever entombed within my gloom, I wield the tools of my own doom, hoping praying screaming pleading for this all to be a dream, not what it seems, my soul is bursting at the seams, she haunts my dreams and plagues my thoughts, she cannot be forgot, my love has been for naught, she used me up bled me dry, left me to die, alone I cry, and now I break, take the gun in hand, a simple man, Kevorkian plan, this cold steel aimed at my brain I can't explain but time hangs in silent refrain until the shot rings out, no scream no shout, just my thoughts all pouring out. Her hold is broken, think that I'm jokin' there is no way to ease the pain but for me to give a blowjob to a Beretta.

heartbreaksad poetryslam poetry
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